Marriage Counseling

Couples Therapy

You must have heard about couples therapy when things go wrong in a marriage. There are people who believe that once you go to the couples therapy, that is the end of your marriage - for the simple reason that you start expecting some miracle to happen from the outside and heal your marriage - when you should actually look inside for the solution. As you wait for that magic wand which never appears, you gradually loose hope and your marriage.

Have You Heard Of Couple Therapy Before Marriage?

Yes, that is correct. Before marriage couple therapy is there; and this is one of the most powerful tools for a successful marriage. This is something like preparatory classes for having a baby - which involves both the spouses.

Do you know why most marriages fail and end up in divorce? It is because of unrealistic expectations from your spouse and marriage itself. People marry with some basic pre-conceived notions of what marriages should be - based upon their own experience and emotional exposure during their childhood. When their expectations are not met, they do not blame themselves but their spouses for this failure and this is how the marriage problems start.

When the would-be-spouses attend the pre-marriage couples therapy, they unlearn a number of things as the first step towards a healthy marriage. They unlearn the stereotyping of their roles in establishing a home; they learn what are the best options to manage their responsibilities and method of sharing household chores; they learn how to handle finances; they learn how to relate to each other's in laws; they learn the importance of keeping the communication channels wide open - in other words they learn the basic ingredients that make a good and healthy marriage.

The Benefits Of Attending The Pre-Marriage Couples Therapy

1. Clarity of roles - the couples therapy would help you and your spouse understand what is expected of each other in a marriage. You would also understand that there is a major overlap of roles in most marriages and this overlap needs to be worked at personal level. There is no "standard golden rule" of what he should do and what she should do. You would rather need to treat your marriage as a ship where every member of the crew has a vital responsibility. The total crew members' number here is two.

2. Decision making system - there are many issues that a marriage would throw at you. From what color the curtain should be to whether you would have your in-laws live with you to how many children should you have - are decisions that need to be taken and acted upon. How best do you do that? How do you reach a consensus? How do you voice dissent? How not to behave?

3. Handling conflict - this is another very vital piece of information. The way you handle conflict can spell the difference between a successful and unsuccessful marriage.

Do you still think that pre-marriage couples therapy is not a great idea?

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