Marriage Counseling

Marriage Counseling Advice

Marriage - many define this term humorously as a "life sentence". In fact it is a life-time commitment between couples who endeavor to cherish each other forever. Unfortunately, things rarely turn out the way you envisaged them through the rosy glasses of courtship. The fact that divorce is there in case you feel you made a mistake with the marriage - is often the easy way out of a troubled relationship. However, is really divorce the only way out?

You Can Work On Your Marriage

Unless your spouse is physically abusive, or has any real harmful psychological problems such as over possessiveness, cruelty, inferiority complex, etc - it is always worth it to try to make the marriage work.

1. Express yourself clearly - Find out ways to express to your spouse what you want in the first place. One of the most common reason for marriages failing is that one or both spouses expect the other to "know" what the other needs or wants. There is no such thing as "if you love me you would know what I need/ want". You need to put it in words if you want your spouse know what you need. You would be surprised at how easy the other spouse does what you wanted once they know what you require of them.

2. Happiness is your responsibility - do not wait for your spouse to make you feel good. You make yourself happy for yourself. When a spouse starts depending on the other for "feeling good" there is trouble. This is negative control. Your happiness is your responsibility - do not depend on anyone else for it.

3. Ask advice - when you have trouble understanding why your marriage is floundering or why your spouse sometimes look like a complete and unrelated to your stranger - ask for advice. Check out with trusted friends whether you are correct in your assessment of any trouble - or are you over-reacting? You can ask for marriage counseling advice not only from professionals but also from elders of your family or a common trusted friend. Though marriage counseling is big business and normally implies highly qualified professionals - you would be surprised with the pearls of wisdom your own parents or grandparents can offer.

When Marriage Advice Should Come From A Professional

If you keep a keen eye on your marriage, it is possible that you would never really need a professional marriage counseling advice. However, when there is a total shut down of communication between spouses and there is still a strong wish to continue with the marriage - then maybe it is time for a professional to intervene.

The professionals usually facilitate not only communication but also the capacity of reading and understanding the other spouses' point of view. It also helps in equipping the couples with the willingness to find a middle ground when any problem arises.

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