Marriage Counseling

Some Advice To The Married Couples When Trouble Is Brewing: Marriage Counseling Tips

The biggest mistake most spouses commit is treating their marriage casually. Marriage is a very vulnerable partnership which has to be carefully nurtured into a strong emotional relationship over the years. You could compare your marriage with a joint account in a bank. Both the spouse need to invest - as much as possible in equal terms - to the join account and each spouse who takes anything from it should be responsible enough to compensate for it.

When either of the spouses starts only taking out and never returning anything to the joint account, a day would come when there nothing more take out. That would be the breaking point of your marriage. Hence, you need not wait for that to happen. You need to contribute to that joint account generously - the more you take the more you need to put in.

Some Advice To The Married Couples When Trouble Is Brewing

1. Be kind - when a friend commits a mistake, most of us are very generous with forgiving. It is very rare that we berate friends for hours together for any lapse on their part - or any mistakes committed. In that case why are you so demanding of your own spouse - who is supposed to be on your side in the first place? Would it not be better to be kind and forgive them their flailing just as you would do to your friends?

2. Respect your spouse - respect, most people think is something you give your boss or colleagues or superiors. You are wrong here. In any relationship, if there is no basic respect the relationship would fail. You need to have enough respect for your spouse to listen to their opinion (without discounting them as if they know nothing about what they are talking); you need to respect your spouse enough to believe that they feel neglected/ unhappy/ disappointed about certain points (without implying that they are paranoid or neurotic); you need to respect your spouse as an adult and individual who has his/ her own emotional and physical needs.

3. Be careful about finances - finances is one of the most crucial marital problems issues. In some cases one spouse feels that being the bread winner is everything and the other's contribution to the household is nothing as long as there is no monetization of their work. Acting on such presumptions, the earning spouse imposes himself/ herself on the other spouse. Be careful about finances and the share of responsibilities. A home maker's role (and that is not limited to the wife alone today) is as important as the 'bread winner'. Hence, "I earn and you spend' statements should never be made flippantly (preferably should never be made).

4. Remove anger from arguments - there is no marriage without arguments. However, when you argue keep in my mind that your spouse is not your enemy. He/ she is on your side and hence hurting him/ her with sharp words would like scoring a goal in your side instead of the opponent's - totally unacceptable and self-defeating. Address the problem or behavior without "attacking" the person, without anger. It is difficult - but it can be done with a little effort. Your marriage is worth that effort.

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